into love (a poem)

i wrote this back in November, tried to turn it into a song but it just didn’t want to be constrained by a melody beneath it…so here it is. let me know what you think it’s about….or your own interpretations

into love
i tried to talk myself into love
convince with sweet nothings and ribbon gifts
to open myself to its velveted cushioned embrace

but when passions’ flames tire of daily recreating
a house without fences, walls, foundational things
reality is that’s left
like ornaments,
hanging heavy

so i woke today
sat up on my bed and
decided to stop trying to fix love
stop gluing together its broken pieces
rather, instead, wait ………………
for Love to come and find me

after a long pause……
love found me waiting at the curb
without a dime on me
just an empty sketchbook and a pencil twirling in between my fingers

Love,
He took me home
made me soup
and began to fill my pages
with more than color

it is then, i realized,
i never knew Love
but He knows me

all this time of me pining
He has been waiting

waiting………………
for me

orfeo

whenever i see european kids, i can tell immediately they’re not american because of what they’re wearing. usually european kids are a lot more dressed up. no hoodies and jeans for these kiddos. they’re most likely to be wearing corduroys, nice neutral colored sweater and oxfords.

i happened across this site while browsing another site….filled with adorable children’s clothing. of course it’s from England haha

simply magically delicious!

see more of orfeo’s beautiful creations at: www.orfeodesign.com

answers to fill the echo

When I first became a Christian, I began asking what it means to be a good Christian. In my hunger to be one, I observed my friends at church diligently, formulating my own ten commandments. But slowly as the years passed, these seemingly innocent beginnings of my Christian walk turned into a religious spirit in my life. I slowly grew to value the image of Christianity more than true Christianity.

But recently, as the awakening began at IHOP and through processing my sister’s death, God’s been highlighting this specific issue in me. I began seeing how unconsciously I have become overly preoccupied with looking the part of a good Christian rather than be who I already am, a beloved daughter in my Abba’s eyes. I wanted so badly to be the pristine image of a Christian woman I concocted. To me, a perfect Christian looks like she just walked out of the j.crew catalogue, who marries the first man she falls in love with, teaches Sunday school and is quiet and gentle at all times. If you know me, I’m none of those listed above. I can get very loud. Let’s not go into how I dress, that’s for another day (haha). My wrongful perceptions of Christianity displeases God not simply because they’re wrong, but because He is saddened that I believe that He will only accept me when I reach this unattainable goal.

A few days before I was to leave for my vacation for Taiwan, God began to speak. God tenderly revealed to me the heart of the father of the prodigal’s son, especially when this father saw that his son had finally found the way back home. I felt that father’s joy, in seeing his son’s face peering over the horizon after waiting for him day and night. In the same way, God ran to my heart, broken with disappointments toward myself and embraced me with the warmth of His acceptance of me. I’ve been so deeply disappointed in myself concerning how I’ve been handling the pain of losing Grace, but His love covered my sin and strengthened me with truth, that His love never changed toward me. He began to answer many questions I asked after Grace’s death.

One of the most profound things He said to me was that He was there the whole entire time, especially those three difficult days at the hospital. During those times, I was so afraid that God wasn’t there. This fear was so intense that it separated me from encountering His constant presence. He also said to me, that though Grace, my sister, was taken away from me, He is giving me His grace. Grace to live with Him and not apart from Him. He is now giving me true grace to let Him into my life, just as I’ve desired all along but didn’t know how to do it by myself.

So many people wanted to give me their prophetic interpretation of what God was doing through my sister’s death or why she left. I was not only really irritated by the answers they were trying to offer to me (granted perhaps some of them were valid and given with best of intentions), but I wanted to hear God Himself speak to me and answer my cries. Only God’s Words releases peace that surpasses knowledge. Finally, after waiting for four months, He spoke.

As I watched the Awakening service in my home in Taiwan, the Holy Spirit revealed to me, Christianity is actually really simple. It all comes down to the truth that He is God and we need Him. So God, help all of us see our depravity and strength to face our desperate need for You in our lives. It is only when we begin to realize the truth that we have nothing to offer God, that He can fill our emptiness with His fullness.

Christmas wish list…

maybe this will help some of you out?…hehe

1. Switchfoot’s newest cd, “Hello Hurricane”

2. Julia Child’s cook book, “Mastering the Art of French Cooking”

3. A WARM mist humidifier

that’s all i can think of : P that are within reasonable prices hehe…

list of words most used at the awakening….

fire
more Lord
wine
WHAO!
Ha! ha!
power!
joy

any others you’d like to add?

Instead of Asylum, North Korean refugees enslaved in China

As I perused through February 2009’s National Geographic magazine, I find evidence to support Stuart Greaves’ statement, that poverty is preparing the world for the Antichrist. Poverty brings out the worst in humanity, drawing out the sin hidden within the human nature. At times we in the west would like to hold a more idealistic view on poverty and its ramifications. The truth is stands; the reality of poverty is terrifying.

Most North Koreans who are able to gather the nerve or dare to hope to escape into China are received with corruption and deception rather than the haven they dreamt. Women make up roughly three fourths of those escaping North Korea since they’re more able to slip away from their jobs compared to males who are assigned military, factory or farming duties. It is also easier for women to find work in China once they’ve crossed the border. But many of these women who are promised a refuge in China by brokers are instead tricked into the sex industry or are trafficked as brides to Chinese farmers.

There are Christian organizations assisting these individuals to not only escape North Korea but also the enslavement they find themselves once in China. Yet once these land in South Korea, difficulties such as cultural differences, the severe lack of education and skills, experiencing years of malnutrition and witnessing sufferings in their own lives and within their family members cripple many of these refugees from fully assimilating into the South.

We need to lift up this issue in prayer and ask the Lord to break in with His power. There are many things we can do with our own strength, but only God can transform hearts and bring about real lasting justice. Jesus, bring salvation to China and North Korea.

To read the article I referenced: National Geographic, Escaping North Korea

Holy Spirit pouring out from IHOP to Wheaton College and Asbury College

Testimonies (included in Lou Engle’s latest update. For more info/testimonies go to: www.ihop.org/watch)

We have received many testimonies about how the Lord has been touching other college campuses, churches, and houses of prayer. Read below how the IHOPU student awakening has touched students at Wheaton College and Asbury College.

The Holy Spirit moves at Wheaton College
In our dorm tonight at Wheaton College, we were watching the webstream. The warmth of the love of God filled the room. We prayed fervently as He released His Spirit of intercession upon us. His kindness led to repentance and we experienced a breakthrough that has never occurred before!

The Holy Spirit moves at Asbury College
A group of us at Asbury met to watch the live webstream. Over 30 students were present. God poured out His Spirit in such amazing ways. The Spirit filled people on campus who used to be quiet and reserved. God has removed that spirit of timidity and replaced it with one of power. We’ve broken out of the Asbury House of Prayer. Tonight there’s singing and rejoicing in the streets. One person was healed of lifelong blood clots, another of knee pain, and someone else of a stomach virus. There’s so much more. I can’t even begin to describe it all in words.

Issue of Human Trafficking in the Philippines

Benji’s update from the Philippines concerning human trafficking documentary Exodus Cry (Ministry at IHOP fighting the evil of human trafficking) is working on called Nefarious. The truth of human trafficking, a painful reality that is repeated daily in the lives of many is sobering. The nation in focus currently on the Exodus Cry website is Manila, Philippines. We’ve been contending for houses of prayer to be raised up there and proclaiming God’s Lordship over that nation.

God, raise up Your houses of prayers in Southeast Asia to combat the darkness with Your marvelous light.

more about "Philippines update on Vimeo", posted with vodpod

A movie I watched this summer that really made the issue of human trafficking that more real to me is Taken. I highly recommend it. Just be aware that it’s pretty intense.

Holy Spirit outpouring at IHOP

The wine of the Lord (joy,renewal, healing) began to stir starting from the first year Apostolic Preaching students at IHOPU (IHOP’s seminary) this past Wednesday at 9am. It all began at student chapel the previous Wednesday (November 4) after a student shared a healing testimony of how the Lord healed her digestive system that has afflicted her every since she was 15 which commenced after she was nearly raped. This particular young lady has never shared this incident with others due to the shame and condemnation she used to suffered from the traumatic experience.

Leaders at IHOPU felt led by the Spirit after this testimony to call for repentance of self hatred resulting from similar situations of sexual assault or molestation. Many students, male and female came forward to confess, repent and receive healing from the Lord. Males who were once the perpetrators in similar situations in the past, who continue to suffer from the accusations of the enemy also came forward to confess, repent and receive forgiveness.

The next day after student chapel (Thursday), the prayer room was filled with the joy of the Lord. The joy overflowing into dance and worship reflected the promise of God,
“Even them I will bring to My holy mountain,
And make them joyful in My house of prayer.
Their burnt offerings and their sacrifices
Will be accepted on My altar;
For My house shall be called a house of prayer for all nations.” Isaiah 56:7

This has been one of the main points we at the House of Prayer in Kansas City have been contending for, that joy will fill His house. This February, the Lord gave several leaders at IHOP including Mike Bickle dreams that He is going to bring about a season of renewal here. The wine of the Lord represents the healing power of God. A good past example of what an outpouring of wine looks like is the Toronto outpouring.

There has been multiple testimonies of healing pouring out even to those connecting to what’s happening here through the webstream. I encourage you all to plug in every night from 6pm-12am (central time) at this link or simply going to IHOP’s website: www.ihop.org. For those of you who subscribe to IHOP’s webstream, you can also access the evening events through the webstream.

Our heart posture, is to maintain intimacy with the Lord through spending private time in His Word and in the secret place as well as celebrating what He’s doing publicly. We expect great things from our Father, who gives freely and loves generously. I pray that God will bless and encounter You with the power of His magnificent love.

God permits pain

Funny how the Lord permits pain to enter into the human heart. One of the main questions both unbelievers and believers alike ask is if God is a good God, why would He allow evil and pain to exist in the world. But I believe the more important question to concern ourselves with, is where are we allowing that pain to lead us?

The process of sanctification, coming into Christ-likeness, is an option the Lord offers us–an invitation to the dance of life where He leads us with His strength and we follow. A choice that acknowledges the truth that we cannot dance alone. Ultimately, this is an invitation: an extended hand of a gentleman to the lady he adores. If we choose to refuse Him, He will not be intrusive and rude–He will walk away because He respects the dignity He has gifted us with, the dignity of the choice to love Him. Yet even when rejected, Jesus gently waits, patiently, for another opportunity. He also allows our choices that lead us away from the fullness of joy He has and desires for us. Choices that will eventually corner us, pressure us into seeing the truth, that only in Him is freedom found and our hearts satisfied.

I believe this to be one of the major reasons why it was the social rejects during Jesus’ time who were audience to most of His earthly ministry. These ones, despised by society, knew the true state of their hearts, they were well acquainted with the pain they live in everyday. The woman who reached out in desperation after having non-stop bleeding for years knew she was bleeding. The two blind men who would not stop shouting “Have mercy on us! Son of David!” knew they were blind and in need of Jesus. The mother who begged for the “crumbs” knew she needed Jesus (Matt 15). The pain in their hearts was too tangible. The twisted faces of society, the laughter and comments everyday they invoked were constant daily reminders of their condition.

Do we truly know how desperately we need Jesus? Do we know the true conditions of our hearts? Our depravity? Do we cry out to Him for help? Cry out to the Only One who can help us in the way we need? He has given us the Spirit to cry out to Him. But things we run to–insufficient comforts to suppress our pain often muffle our Spirits’ cries.

At times, in His kindness the Lord will illuminate the reality of our depravity. In simpler terms, depravity means the true state of our sinful nature. In a situation like mine, when pain surrounds me at every side, when it’s crashing forth from the inside of me, all the things I depend on instead of God surfacing unapologetically, giving me a wake-up call of the true condition of my heart. Instead of wholehearted devotion to God, which would mean that I depend entirely upon Him, I shop, rely on people, pursue the affections of man, keep myself busy, shove my headphones on when the Lord tries to speak to me. His nearness meant facing the reality burning in my heart.

I know some of you as you read this already have responses such as, “poor kid, she’s being so hard on herself in a difficult situation such as this.” Or “it’s ok to depend on people, God did create communities and fellowship for us to help each other.” When I’m talking about relying on people too much, I don’t mean going to people for truth to be spoken into my life, I mean in all honesty running to people who I know will pat my self pity and fill a void only Jesus can and has the right to fill; basically, sin.

I found myself couple of weeks ago mad at the Lord for the suffering I’m enduring. I felt like I’ve simply been going from one heartbreak to the next. I demanded happiness rather than the pain of suffering. As my friend Tien prayed for me on the phone, the Lord spoke to me. He said, “do not call good evil and evil good. For what I have allowed you to go through, is good.” Then, He asked me, the most difficult question to answer, “am I enough for you Sunny.” I wished I gave the “right” answer. But, instead I responded with honesty, “no, You’re not enough God and I don’t even have strength to ask You to help me desire for You to be enough.”

To say the least, that week was NOT a happy week. Waking up to how my heart still disagrees with God’s good and perfect purposes for me was a hard thing to face. I cried a lot, constantly condemning myself. Through meeting with Jess and Alice, they helped me realize the simple steps to walk out of sin, stop condemning myself and receive His love freely. I’ll share that in the next post. Their teaching and wisdom on breaking oneself away from condemnation has revolutionized my walk with Christ.

This week, as the Lord begins to fill His house of prayer with joy, He’s fixed my heart to the truth that He disciplines those He loves. He is not beating me, lashing me with His Words, rather He is lifting my head to look into His eyes that are welling with tears due to His overwhelming desire for me to have the best and not settle for mere remedies that will not suffice nor heal my broken heart. I have a good good Father in Heaven, who loves me, who fights for me and desires for me to be awakened to the truth of my infinite worth in His heart so I will desire the best. All He is asking me to do, is to receive. As I posture my heart during this outpouring of the wine of God (renewal and refreshing healing) to simply receive, I feel the Father’s love around me.

The most difficult thing for humanity, is to stop striving to earn God’s love, and The hardest thing for humanity, is simply receive the truth that He’s a God who gives freely.

1 “Ho! Everyone who thirsts,
Come to the waters;
And you who have no money,
Come, buy and eat.
Yes, come, buy wine and milk
Without money and without price.
2 Why do you spend money for what is not bread,
And your wages for what does not satisfy?
Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good,
And let your soul delight itself in abundance.
3 Incline your ear, and come to Me.
Hear, and your soul shall live;
And I will make an everlasting covenant with you— (Isaiah 55:1-3)